2 years and 5 months 💌

Yesterday marked the END of the diploma year. It feels just like yesterday i enrolled to this place, and yesterday my struggle was finally ENDED. All of the things that kept me stuck is OVER 🤗

Here's a dedication post to my parents (they may not know this, i wont tell it straight) 💌

This is a very bumpy journey for me. Here is the story. A month after my enrollment, i had this sudden thought that i want to quit studying before it even started! The thought of my past friends might be graduating earlier from me brought me down. I was emotionally unstable at that time. I could not think about my future at all. All i know was its too late to be a student, what if i failed in the middle, what if i had to repeat then my parents must pay for it? Since i was in a private college, everything cost money here. I never want to burden my parents, not at all 😔 I had few discussions with my parents. Told them about this. Surprisingly, they kind of supported every decision i made (thank Allah. I could have done better as a daughter). I know, deep down they really want me to have AT LEAST a certificate of diploma. But they understand my struggled, i never heard my dad's complaining about this. I feel bad if i really work out on this decision! This might be my second time quitting studies. The amount of money flying are just too difficult to think of 💸

Since i don't want all of this to be wasted, i started to think about what should i do if i really want to quit. I need to have passion in something like baking cooking whatsoever. But that sudden thought appeared again. I told my parents and my friends i want to learn more about Islam (madrasah etc). Ofcourse, they are the happiest! Mom even told me that i could even study both if i wanted to (such a supportive parents i had 😭). They really want to best for me, who doesnt right? I hold on to that decision for a while. I make way for myself to at least try this semester one. I continued with my study right after that. Amazingly, my result turned out to be very good. Not saying it was the best but Wallahi, i never thought about it 😭 What more should i asked for ya Allah, is this really the journey you planned for me all this while? Is this really the journey you planned after i faced so many ups and downs during my school time and my 6 months journey in Kedah? Is this it? I couldn't bring myself to breath right after that ya Allah. Thank you so much for making this way for me. The thought of quitting immediately disappeared after that 🤗

I advised myself that i should have done better for the next semester in which I AM. My result kept getting higher semester by semester. From semester 1 to the semester where i currently ended, its all worth it. I kind of becoming narcissistic for a while. I kept thanking and praising myself 😂 Not to forget, to the one and only one Allah SWT. ☝🏼️Above all, i dedicate this for these two support system, my parents 👨🏻👩🏻 Mak Ayah, you might not know this, i came this far because of you both. I kept thinking at one time, how many disappointment do i need to repay you. Most of the time, i kept thinking about the amount of money flying 💸😂 Although you never said this straight to my face but i know deep down, its very worrying for you to think about my future.

Thank you to the sleepless nights, thank you to the not-so-amazing friends i had BHAHAHA (noen, syera as well as the other 2), thanks to my lecturers, thank you thank you thank you thanks ALOT for helping me throughout this journey! For your information, i'm not yet graduating. I still have one more semester to go which is Industry Training! The thought of dedicating this suddenly lingered on my minds so i think i need to expressed it into words 💌

Bu-bye International Islamic College 🏣
See ya in the next few months! 👉🏻👈🏻

A month left, IIC

Sebulan lagi aku dah nak tinggalkan dunia belajar. Kalau fikir sekali, rasa best. Tak sabar nak tinggalkan assignment aku. Kalau fikir seribu kali, rasa sebak. Masa belajar ni la benda paling manis. Yang pahit pun akan jadi manis. Sekarang mungkin takkan rasa, tunggu lepas 2 3 bulan, muncul la perasaan tu heh. Tapi sekarang aku cuba block dulu fikiran aku dari fikir. Aku ada benda paling besar lagi nak fikir, final exam T.T

Nak fikir balik jap pencapaian aku selama 2 tahun setengah kat sini

Semester 1:

Semester paling bosan ye uolls. Dah la aku tak rapat dengan classmates aku. Aku cuma rapat dengan beberapa orang jelah di samping aku sampai sekarang ni. Jangan nak kata classmates je bosan, subject pun benda yang aku tak suka. Dengan Malaysian Studies (sejarah), business maths (subject yg buat aku gagal masa kat KPTM). Sebab kan these two la aku teragak gila nak masuk kos ni balik. Adoi. Tapi cuba jelah ye dok, dok rumah tak belajar nanti orang cop double bodoh karang. Dah la result SPM pun…. Hmph malas cakap.

Wallahi ni waktu aku tak study langsung! Quiz bawak toyol! Meniru! Final exam pun tak baca tapi tetiba dapat result 3.52. Business maths yang paling tak tahan macam mana dapat A? HAHA! Aku masatu taktau nak react camna. Nak je rasa happy melambung tapi fikir balik apa yang melayakkan aku dapat result macam tu dengan keadaan yang bukan usaha aku selama tu? T.T

Okay semester ni adalah sikit sebanyak aku jadikan motivasi nak berjaya lagi sekali atas usaha aku sendiri. Kalau Allah dah tunjukkan aku rezeki (untuk aku berubah & bersyukur) masa waktu aku lalai, kalau aku usaha lagi sekali atas usaha aku mesti lagi gempakz kan? Whatever it is, thanks YaRabb.

Semester 2:

Kalau orang tanya aku semester apa paling aku tak boleh lupa, aku akan jawab Semester 2. Semester ni paling bermakna bagi aku. Result aku terbang nun jauh ke langit. Aku score 3.83 ATAS USAHA AKU. Aku rasa motivated nak belajar ni sebab most of the subjects semester ni adalah subject favourite aku masa kat KPTM dulu ;) Rasa smooth je belajar masa ni. Siap boleh tunjuk ajar lagi kat orang heh. Semoga Allah berkati lecturer aku kat KPTM dulu yang buat aku suka subject ni hihihi. Tak lupa jugak lecturer kat IIC tercinta aku yang buat subject ni double best, thumbs up! XoXo

Masa ni aku takda dah nak tiru-tiru, takda dah nak jadi pemalas terbaring taknak belajar, takda dah duduk melanguk masa kawan aku settlekan assignment group. Semester ni aku start take over duduk depan laptop pulak settlekan keje-keje group herher.

Semester 3:

Masa ni short sem 3 subjects je aku carry. Mandarin salah satu dari nya. Bahasa yang aku tau kira 1-3 je selama ni lols. Dah la foreign language memang tak la aku nak harap tetinggi nak score kan. Cukup sekadar aku berusaha sebaiknya dan let Allah do the rest. Hampa la jugak sepanjang belajar tu pening nak buat ayat bagai. Tapi aku ni kan kaki menghafal, hafal jelah semua tu. Act, semua lecturer tau perangai aku -_- tapi jangan risau, walaupun ayat aku ayat buku, aku paham apa yang aku baca. Aku sendiri takkan baca kalau aku taktau. Jangan buat assumption ea?

Alhamdulillah masa ni aku naik ke 1 point lagi 3.9. Hardwork pay off jugak lah aku baca 1 buku mandarin tu. Sekarang jangan tanya dah apa aku belajar. Lepas aku belajar, takda nya nak praktik. Kalau aku ada kawan cina boleh lah praktik :/

Semester 4:

Errr semester ni masa aku first daftar subjek aku dah jadi seorang yang pessimist. Aku kena belajar accounting yerrr. I sucks in Math. Very much! Belajar macam mana pun aku akan end up tidur. Kalau aku bajet-bajet belajar masa aku sekolah dulu pun, aku tetap akan gagal. Tah la. Nampak sangat Maths dengan aku ni memang selama nya tak ngam.

In the middle of semester ni, tetiba rasa accounting ni best. Senang. As easy as abc. Masa waktu ni jelahh. Masa quiz and final smooth je aku jawab. Aku dah target aku A dari awal. Overconfident often kills me. Tapi kali ni dia tak kill aku. Apa yang aku expect akhir nya aku dapat ehehehe. Naik la point aku 4 mata kecil. 3.94 ;)

Semester 5:

Semester ni bagi aku subject dia agak mudah di fahami. Mudah tapi susah nak score. Terutama nya subject Computer Application. Aku bukan pandai IT pun. Aku mahir dekat Word je yang lain takda masa aku nak explore. Disebabkan dah jadi part of subject yang aku perlu lulus, jadi kita berusaha jela macam biasa. Risau jugak dari awal sampai akhir macam lost lagi je. Tapi sebabkan aku cuba buat soalan spot, soalan past year dapat lah A jengjengjeng. Yang lenlain memerlukan otak untuk hafal dan fikir logic macam biasa. Ni kepakaran aku inshaAllah aku berusaha.

Jadi beruk lah jugak masa result aku keluar. Masa ni aku takda expect pape. Aku tak expect pape lepas final. Cuma aku ada rasakan ada yang aku rasa 100% aku boleh score, ada some yang cannot. Tuptup tengok result tu macam SubhanAllah yeke nihhhh. Banyak kali lah jugak log out log in balik. Kot salah ke kan. Aku dapat 4 flat! First time aku masih rasa aku mimpi. Keesokan hari nya aku masih tenung result aku. Logout login lagi yelah mana tau system rosak? Technical problem pun boleh jadi tapi at the end, result tu tetap untuk aku tanpa sebarang masalah teknikal kecil pun subhanAllah mashaAllah Allahuakbar terima kasih ya Allah. Tak pernah sekali pun aku mimpi nak dapat 4.00. TAK PERNAH :’)

Semester 6:

Semester ni adalah masa-masa nya di mana banyaknya aku terima negative comments tentang subjects yang aku ambil. 100x aku blame diri aku bodoh sangat pilih subject sesusah semua. Dah la short semester semua rushing. (Tu la gaduh dengan org lagi sampai hancurkan study plan yg kau dah plan lama BHAHAHA kawan2 aku je paham) Memang betul, subject aku semua tough. Ada Business Law, ada Organizational Behavior (susah jugak theory bombombayahhh semua), yang last sekali Public Relations. Pun sama payah dia macam Organizational Behavior. Tapi Public Relations masuk kelas dia lagi double nak tidur. Ikutkan OB lagi tak best. Tapi lecturer PR aku suara agak mendayu-dayu, sweet & soft gitu jadi memang waktu tepat nak tidur. Taktau nak kata berapa banyak setan gayut kat mata aku masatu. Dah la kelas tu pagi T.T

Lagi bertambah low self-esteem aku apabila ramai nya senior kata subject Law dan OB tu dah ramai sangat repeat. Siap point out lagi kat aku siapa yang repeat :/ Lecturer PR aku pulak kata subject tu nak dapat A tu mimpi dulu, sebab semua theory. Notes dia takda bunga langsung tau, spacing cam 1.15 je semua aku rasa, font adalah dlm 9 10? HAHAHA T.T okay sila bayangkan. Pages dia banyak tau.

Seperti biasa, jangan berhenti setengah jalan. Instead, sekolah kan lah diri anda cukup2. Kalau dah cuba tapi tak berjaya, bukan rezeki kita ye anak-anak. Aku cuba sampai akhir nya. Aku dah bagitau mak ayah aku siap-siap, kalau carry mark orang teruk orang nak drop kay? Tapi carry mark aku semua 50 above, masa depan aku dah kembali cerahhh.

Lepas pulun masa final, hari result keluar muncul. Fikiran aku kosong. Aku tak berharap apa-apa, aku taknak C je ya Allah itu sahaja. Kalau tak nanti pointer yg aku jaga selama ni drop banyak T.T Tapi memang drop sikit pun GPA. From 4.00 to 3.9. 10 mata kecil jugak tu jatuh. Tapi thanks Allah CGPA aku remain the sama tak jatuh. Jadi, marilah ucap Alhamdulillah.

Semester 7:

Wallahualam. Aku exam start hujung bulan 10 ke awal bulan 11 entah. Yang aku tahu 7 November hari terakhir aku exam, selepas tu aku dah tinggalkan dunia belajar aku :) T.T

Itu sahaja pencapaian yg aku nak share untuk masa depan aku kat sini. Aku rasa ni pencapaian yang paling membanggakan dalam hidup aku. Dengan result SPM aku yang tak credit Maths (E), yang tak melayakkan aku lepas SPM nak masuk Universiti awam, yang tetiba at the end dapat Politeknik tapi aku tolak, zaman aku masuk KPTM at the end masih tewas dengan Maths (Failed), dengan rasa berat hati masuk IIC dan akhirnya ini tempat yang ubah masa depan aku 101%.

Nikmat apa lagi yang aku kufurkan ya Allah?

Dah cukup jadi manusia berguna ke tah agak-agak :(

Kalau nak tanya pasal tips, rasa nya aku takda tips
Turning point aku untuk berubah adalah selepas aku dapat result pertama masa Semester 1.
Aku banyak kali gagal masa zaman sekolah. Tapi gagal macam mana pun aku tetap happy masa zaman sekolah :P

Apa-apa sekalipun, as cliche as it may going to sound, gagal sekali bukan bermakna gagal selamanya. Allah buka jalan untuk masa depan aku masa umur aku 19 tahun. Dari darjah 1 sampai form 5 aku jadi loser berseorangan tau. Dia adalah sebaik-baik perancang, tugas kita adalah selalu berusaha je okay? 

Semoga kita sentiasa di bawah lindungan Dia,
Sentiasa letak Allah no 1 di hati, inshaAllah kejayaan milik kita semua
Allahuma Ameen <3 p="">

I hardly write anymore,

I love writing so much that i suddenly become bored with it 😂
My previous posts are all memorable to me. I often re-read what i've posted on this messy blog long time ago. There were many loves & breakups stories as well as articles during school time that i kind of miss right now. Those were also the time that my articles were only for the sake of improving my writing skills 😇 I didn't do it in a nice way but hey, i am now able to write in english. Gramatical errors are all fine to me. Even those who speaks english couldn't speak with a clear grammar. Okay cancel about that example. Even we malays didn't speak using a great vocabs! There were many words that doesn't even exist in Kamus Dewan Bahasa 😅 Yet we're able to continuously communicate with people.

I'm having one month semester break right now. Thanks Allah, my dearest IIC finally grant final year student like me to extend 2 weeks sem break to one month! So that the students are able to enjoy their quality time during this holy month ie Ramadhan. As usual, my sem break was boring of course. I didn't do anything. Plus now, my dearest laptop was in a clinic getting the screen repaired. My fault. Why would you let this fragile thing to fall on the floor 😅

Okie enough mumbling. This is rareeee, how did i managed to get two articles posted today. This would be the last article until when wallahualam 😂 Raya is only one week ahead so i would like to wish everyone who suddenly come across this messy blog, selamat hari raya maaf zahir batin! I don't thing i ever write any bad things that might hurt your feelings here but is there any, i would like to seek for an apology for any wrongdoings towards you intentionally or unintentionally.

Safe journey xx

#RamadhanKareem2016
#Eid2016